I’m trying to see relaxation as a job. It isn’t helping yet. But I’m in that weird spot where I’d rather be working yet I don’t want to work. I eventually get into this state at some point during most holidays or breaks and it’s not a happy one because I worry that I won’t work again.

I worry that I won’t want to work again.

It’s now that you realise how much effort work is and what a mountain it always is, every day. I’m coming off the back of a year that has gone extraordinarily well in so many ways but was rock tough in others and it’s like the successes will be wiped out by the turn of the calendar where the problems will persist.

One of the problems is a rejection that was big enough to reset everything in that project. Literally back to zero though, oddly, the day after that, someone proposed an idea that would be pretty close to infinitely better. I’ll take that. But with infinite bitterness comes pretty infinite effort.

But that means one day I was tumbled down the mountain. And the next I was shown a new mountain. Normally I like a new mountain.

Right now, today, Boxing Day, I’m focused on the height of the mountain rather than the view from it so it feels like 2014 is going to be tough again.

Let it.

Let’s get to it and let’s get through to 2015 where we’ll compare scar tissue and alphabetise our blessings.

There is this thing called a lagrange point. Usually when it’s mentioned it is specifically the one of these that lies between the Earth and its Moon. You know that the Earth is big and its Moon is comparatively quite small so one of them is hefting a bit of a gravity tug where the other, not so much.

But they do both tug and there is this one point between the two bodies where the big pull of the Earth is exactly and precisely matched by the little pull of the Moon.

If you’re in that point, it’s as if there is no pull at all, not in either direction. And I imagine this to be a peaceful place. Floating. All the pressures and all the gravity and all the worries and problems are still there, every last one of them, but you are somehow at peace.

Welcome to my ideal Christmas Eve.

I don’t know why I like Christmas Eve better than Christmas, I don’t know how I can call it a peaceful time and somehow associate that with not working when I am of course working. But I do like it best and I do call it a peaceful time.

I do call it a lagrange point.

And I hope you get these too.