Okay, that’s a come-on title. Of course you should join a group if it helps you. But the entire world says you should and you must so let me be a little strident for the alternative.

Because for some reason I have yet to find a group that was any use to me. Any real, actual, physical group: I’ve had good experiences with more nebulous, shifting, changing and semi-virtual groups. But that just makes me want more.

Similarly, I’ve friends who are in groups that aren’t just useful to them, they’ve become important. An important part of their lives. I think that is a precious thing and, I freely admit this, I am jealous.

So every now and again, I do try a new group. Once a group rather formed around me, which was perplexing and tricky to get out of. Another time, I joined solely because the group had its own radio studio – but then found that none of the writers were that interested in radio. Or really in having any kind of audience. They wrote for themselves which, if I didn’t already think was fine, I would’ve learnt was fine then. They had a great time.

But I’m not interested in writing for myself, I write to hopefully reach you. That wasn’t on the table with that particular group and it’s such a clear thing in my mind that I saw this and I took that exit sign as encouragement.

I wish I were as clear about whatever else it is I need.

Definitely criticism. This is all on my mind now because I tried a group recently and had believed they would be so critical – correctly critical but also harshly – that they’d take the skin off my arms. The pain would be well worth it for how much they helped me improve the material. But that didn’t happen: they treated me so gently that I concluded they just wanted to be polite. Also, they’re doing a lot more than that writing-for-themselves group but it wasn’t the serious, productive group I seem to need.

I can tell you that an informal buddying group devised by author Jeff Phelps has worked very well for me. I’ve had either one or two months with an individual writer: sometimes theatre people, sometimes novelists, sometimes poets. Every single one has been so interesting that they’ve made me feel interesting back. I’ve directly learned from them, I’ve just also had a good time.

Similarly, working with a loose collection of people to set various deadlines and meet them, that worked.

Actually, that was my idea. And as of next month I’m taking over the running of the buddying project from Jeff.

It would be great for this little tale if I could now tell you I will reshape this buddying group into exactly the form that suits me. That I would finally have a writing group that gave me all these benefits and gave them to me because I fashioned the group. But no, Jeff’s set it up so perfectly that I’m not going to change a thing.

So the hunt for a group continues. May you be more fortunate than I, and celebrate your good fortune by tipping me off about the details.