{"id":846,"date":"2014-12-19T05:34:05","date_gmt":"2014-12-19T05:34:05","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/williamgallagher.com\/selfdistract\/?p=846"},"modified":"2014-12-19T05:34:05","modified_gmt":"2014-12-19T05:34:05","slug":"squeezing-your-heart","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/williamgallagher.com\/selfdistract\/2014\/12\/19\/squeezing-your-heart\/","title":{"rendered":"Squeezing your heart"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>We get Christmas all wrong. I don&#8217;t mean that it should be a religious thing, I&#8217;m afraid I am entirely happy with the commercialism. Getting presents is great, giving presents is greater and there is a genuine magic in the air when we like sticking a tree in our living room and draping it in impossibly gaudy tat. <\/p>\n<p>There is no other minute of the year when you&#8217;d register that tinsel exists. Can you even buy tinsel outside that so-very-brief Christmassy period of early September to late December?<\/p>\n<p>I&#8217;ve just done exactly what I think is wrong. I got one beat into thinking of Christmas and I&#8217;m off puzzling about the past. I don&#8217;t think a vague wondering about tinsel supply and demand is especially wrong, but there is something inescapable about looking back. Maybe I&#8217;m just now old enough that what I mean is this: when you&#8217;re really young, Christmas is about presents and when you&#8217;re not, then Christmas is about pasts.<\/p>\n<p>If something truly bad ever happened to you within earshot of a Christmas then it&#8217;s with you for every Christmas after it. You know this. Forever. If you&#8217;ve lost someone, your mind gets constantly pulled to the gap they&#8217;ve left. Christmas becomes this seething mass taking place at head height: sometimes you just have to duck down to get away from it, to make it stop. <\/p>\n<p>Look back. Choose to look back. You can&#8217;t stop yourself looking back so go with it, go for it. Think about who you&#8217;ve lost and what. Change this from a time when you can&#8217;t breathe to a time when you celebrate who you had and what. <\/p>\n<p>Just don&#8217;t do it for too long. <\/p>\n<p>And hold my hand.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>We get Christmas all wrong. I don&#8217;t mean that it should be a religious thing, I&#8217;m afraid I am entirely &hellip; <a href=\"http:\/\/williamgallagher.com\/selfdistract\/2014\/12\/19\/squeezing-your-heart\/\">Continue reading <span class=\"meta-nav\">&rarr;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[430,432,431,434,433,435],"class_list":["post-846","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-christmas","tag-hand","tag-hold","tag-loss","tag-memory","tag-tinsel"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p4chyI-dE","_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/williamgallagher.com\/selfdistract\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/846","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/williamgallagher.com\/selfdistract\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/williamgallagher.com\/selfdistract\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/williamgallagher.com\/selfdistract\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/williamgallagher.com\/selfdistract\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=846"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/williamgallagher.com\/selfdistract\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/846\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":847,"href":"http:\/\/williamgallagher.com\/selfdistract\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/846\/revisions\/847"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/williamgallagher.com\/selfdistract\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=846"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/williamgallagher.com\/selfdistract\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=846"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/williamgallagher.com\/selfdistract\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=846"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}