{"id":60,"date":"2013-01-11T06:51:00","date_gmt":"2013-01-11T06:51:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/theblankscreen.co.uk\/selfdistract\/2013\/01\/11\/britains-favourite-writing-instrument-the-final\/"},"modified":"2013-01-11T06:51:00","modified_gmt":"2013-01-11T06:51:00","slug":"britains-favourite-writing-instrument-the-final","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/williamgallagher.com\/selfdistract\/2013\/01\/11\/britains-favourite-writing-instrument-the-final\/","title":{"rendered":"Britain’s Favourite Writing Instrument: The Final"},"content":{"rendered":"
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It\u2019s hard to believe now but we started this journey with eight terrific contestants, any one of whom could\u2019ve been standing here tonight in our hunt for Britain\u2019s favourite writing instrument 2013. Tonight is decision time in Strictly Come Writing with the Stars on Ice Factor.<\/p>\n

I know we say this every time but, seriously, this year\u2019s entrants truly were the best we\u2019ve ever had and before we get down to the Moment of Truth, let\u2019s look back at the highlights of this incredible journey.<\/p>\n

I mean, who can forget the drama of week 1? Despite a perfect score from the judges, once the public vote was tallied, Quill Pen had to write again to survive.<\/p>\n

\u201cI tried to keep it light and fluffy, you know?\u201d said Quill. \u201cIt\u2019s been an amazing journey for me and I think I\u2019ve become a bit of a icon for all the old writing instruments out there. We can still do it, you know. Don\u2019t rule us out just yet.\u201d<\/p>\n

Unfortunately, our judges did. So Quill Pen\u2019s dreams were over before they really began.<\/p>\n

Barely had we got over that shock when it was Week 2 and the speed test which saw Morse Code telegraph machine stumble.<\/p>\n

\u201c.. – .—-. … \/ -… . . -. \/ .- -. \/ .- — .- –.. .. -. –. \/ .— — ..- .-. -. . -.–,\u201d said Morse. Which, while a bit slow, must be the most moving thing we\u2019ve heard here on Strictly Writing. Morse is a real pro, I\u2019m sure we\u2019ve not heard the last of him.<\/p>\n

But the contest presses on and barely had we got over that shock when it was Week 3 and the controversial wardrobe malfunction that saw everyone rushing to the stage to mop up ink.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat can I say? These things happen,\u201d said brave Fountain Pen. \u201cThe judges and the public praised me for the elegance of my lines and that\u2019s what I\u2019m going to take away from this, that\u2019s the memory I\u2019ll keep with me. Thanks for having me on the show.\u201d<\/p>\n

Barely had we got over that shock when we faced the Halloween Horror Special in week 4. Hopes were especially very high for one of our contestants in week 4 which made this exit all the more devastating. Yes, we all were all so certain that this was going to be Blood\u2019s week, but no.<\/p>\n

\u201cOw,\u201d said Blood.<\/p>\n

Barely had we got over that shock when things really hotted up for the semi-finals.<\/p>\n

\u201cAt this stage, it\u2019s really anyone\u2019s game,\u201d said head judge Alesha Dixon. \u201cI think Biro has a lot more to give: it\u2019s been a steady contender rather than a standout yet and maybe it has to pick up the pace now, maybe it has to show us what it can really do.<\/p>\n

\u201cBut then I actually think that Pencil is the dark horse of the competition. It has had all that experience in space, that\u2019s not to be discounted, and I really think it still has a point to prove. The only question for me is whether Pencil can really last the distance. I\u2019m sorry to say but at times it does look worn down.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhereas our last two contenders, Typewriter and Computer Keyboard, I have to say they look the same to me. I can\u2019t call it.\u201d<\/p>\n

Wasn\u2019t it the most dramatic semi-final we\u2019ve ever had? You have to take risks at the semis, you can\u2019t play it safe, but risks are a risk and Typewriter paid the ultimate price when it tried to introduce music into its routine and things just went horribly wrong. \u201cWhat can I say?\u201d said Typewriter. \u201cI just like jammin\u2019.\u201d<\/p>\n

Of course, that wasn\u2019t the only drama in this year\u2019s semi-finals as for the first time ever, we literally lost one of the contestants. We could\u2019ve sworn Biro was right there where we left it.<\/p>\n

Barely had we got over that shock when we reached tonight. And our two finalists have done their very best.<\/p>\n

Pencil, Keyboard, it\u2019s been an amazing journey for both of you, but now you\u2019ve done all you can. You\u2019ve written for the last time and tonight one of you is going home, one of you is going to be crowned Britain\u2019s Favourite Writing Instrument for 2013. Do either of you have anything you want to say to the judges and the millions watching at home?<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019d just like to say what a privilege it\u2019s been being on this incredible show,\u201d said Keyboard. \u201cAnd I\u2019d just like to take this chance to say thanks to my lovely husband Qwerty and gorgeous daughter Azerty who\u2019ve had to put up with my being away all this time.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s lovely,\u201d said Alesha.<\/p>\n

\u201cIs it bollocks,\u201d said Pencil, who unfortunately had to be immediately disqualified for snapping.<\/p>\n

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