I wanted to talk to you about a play of mine that\u2019s being staged tomorrow night. I really, really wanted to talk to you about how I\u2019ve ended up acting in it. And actually I also wanted to gabble at you about a whole series of workshops I\u2019m running with writer Alex Townley. <\/p>\n
But that\u2019ll keep.<\/p>\n
And this won\u2019t.<\/p>\n
This is too important. I was going to say that it\u2019s too important to me, which it is and always has been, but it\u2019s also just generally too important. I need to talk about the \u2018me too\u2019 and the \u2018I believe you\u2019 discussions. The journalist in me hesitates because, talking to you now, I feel I\u2019m late to the topic and it\u2019s been covered a lot. But then that\u2019s about the only good thing here, that this has been discussed so much \u2013 and I want it to be discussed more.<\/p>\n
I thought I knew, that I grasped how women are treated and I thought I was already appalled to the point of shaking at the way I don\u2019t have a clue how to stop it. But the utter, ceaseless, overwhelming tsunami of \u2018me too\u2019 posts on Twitter and Facebook has turned my shake into paralysis.<\/p>\n
The \u2018I believe you\u2019 ones gave me pause in a different way. Where the volume of \u2018me too\u2019 posts was deeply shocking, I\u2019m ashamed to say that they weren\u2019t surprising. The call for \u2018I believe you\u2019 was more startling to me because I can\u2019t grasp how anyone wouldn\u2019t believe. <\/p>\n
Yet then if everyone both knew and believed all this, surely it would stop. So I posted \u2018I believe you\u2019 even though I still feel it is the most obvious thing I\u2019ve ever written. Actually, I posted it on Facebook where they have those buttons for making things big and red. I\u2019ve never before bothered to see how you do that but it felt right for this. I don\u2019t think I\u2019ll do it again because I don\u2019t think I\u2019ll write anything that important.<\/p>\n
But then listen to me: I\u2019m a saint. Except I\u2019m not. If \u2018I believe you\u2019 is the most important thing I\u2019ve written, this is the hardest: I can instantly think of incidents where I\u2019ve made women uncomfortable. <\/p>\n
I can tell you that I\u2019ve never set out to do it and if it\u2019s happened recently then I am scarily unaware of it. And I can also most definitely tell you that I have never, not once, ignored it when I\u2019ve seen other men do it. <\/p>\n
Except I must be wrong there. Must be. The sheer number, the wave after wave of \u2018me too\u2019 posts from people I believe I\u2019m close to, it has got to mean that I have been blind to things happening.<\/p>\n
Now, being blind to something is not the same as condoning it \u2013 except that of course it is. <\/p>\n
I\u2019ve failed my friends here. And there must be women who are wary of me because of it. Therefore there must be women who put me on the same side as men who do press and harass and attack. God, that\u2019s not a side I want to be on.<\/p>\n
There\u2019s an interesting point being raised about how the language being used is creating its own issues and silos. It\u2019s true that one hears about \u201cviolence against women\u201d and don\u2019t hear the phrase \u201cviolence committed by men\u201d. I think it\u2019s peculiar but true then that this is seen as a problem for women rather than a problem caused by men.<\/p>\n
The fact that this is being pointed out now might even be the one shining outcome of the whole discussion if it makes men aware of it. But for God\u2019s sake, it\u2019s not like there\u2019s been some secrecy about it: men can\u2019t pretend that this is news to us.<\/p>\n
I don\u2019t know what to do and that makes me shake again. But I do know that thinking and talking about it is essential, even or especially when it\u2019s difficult. And I also know that this is something men need to fix.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s men\u2019s problem and it\u2019s men\u2019s fault and I am a man and I need to fix it. <\/p>\n
When I think about us men ignoring the situation or particularly about somehow thinking it\u2019s something women need to fix, I keep coming back to an ancient military phrase.<\/p>\n
We have met the enemy and they are us.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I wanted to talk to you about a play of mine that\u2019s being staged tomorrow night. I really, really wanted … Continue reading