I still have not one pixel’s interest in sport, but I live in Birmingham – I’m from Birmingham – so you can’t escape the Commonwealth Games that are going on here, even if you only tune in to see your home city being celebrated. I would like, though, to now add my own statistic to the mass of times and scores and medal counts.

Not that I’m saying this should be a competitive sport. But I just put our bins out and it took me 17:44.56 minutes. I’ve never actually timed myself before but I suspect this isn’t a personal best because I did it while having COVID.

I understand lots of people have had this, and I am fully jabbed so really I just need to wait it all out, but I didn’t expect the touches of delirium. Several times now, for instance, I might be on my own but am slipping in and out of sleep, convinced I’m having a conversation. Sometimes it’s a conversation with you.

And quite often it’s a conversation complaining about how I’ve let you down because a particular plate of food isn’t syncing properly between the kitchen and my office.

Oh.

Hang on.

Right, I’m back from the bathroom. I didn’t time what happened, but now I know they call it feeling retch-ed.