I’m sure you can’t be interested in how I have a dispute with Deliveroo, but I think there’s actually a writing aspect to this.

Follow. All that’s happened is that Deliveroo failed to, well, deliver back in January. After plenty of promises of responses within 48 hours, here we are six or seven weeks later with the firm still refusing to refund our money. It’s a legal requirement that they refund us: the company is already in breach of the Consumer Rights Act 2015, and this is another example of that.

Okay, so naturally I’m not going to let it go. But if Deliveroo’s PR team has any kind of decent web crawler and picks this up, let me look them straight in the eye. Alongside the fact that what you’re doing is illegal, Deliveroo, the total guarantee that I will never drop this is also down to how you wrote some of your responses. Many times now, you’ve ended the refusal to return our money with variations on the line “We hope we can look forward to your custom again in future.”

I feel this is unlikely. But you will certainly be speaking to me, again, and quite soon, quite often. Until you refund our money.

Are they gone?

Good, let’s back to you and me here. Because I’ve got to tell you this. At one point, presumably stuck for something new to say, they also claimed to have escalated my whole £16.53 case to their global team. They wanted us to know they had taken this very seriously, that it had all been fed back to their teams, and while they regrettably cannot return the money that belongs to us, that they would use this to improve their service going forward.

I know you’re thinking that they should improve their service going backwards a few weeks, but it suddenly sounds to me like they’re going to spend my money on a pizza for the team.

Hope they don’t use Deliveroo.