This is a hard one. But it starts with something simple: I’ve only now caught up with the Doctor Who episode “Dot and Bubble” by Russell T Davies and I want to talk to you about some self-realisation it gave me that might be bad, might possibly be passable — no, it’s bad. And it is definitely uncomfortable for me.

Equally, though, I don’t want to spoil an episode. I never want to spoil anything, but I did especially enjoy this one, so the guilt over risking any spoilers is high. Plus if you don’t read on because you haven’t seen the show, then you don’t get to see a reason to think less of me. Everybody wins, or at least I don’t lose.

But since you’re still reading, this is what you need to know about the episode in order to be disappointed in me. “Dot and Bubble” is set in a totally white world, every character is white except for the Doctor, and just about every trace of diversity is intentionally non-existent. It’s marvellous: the final scenes when this is all in high and prickly relief, it’s a real moment in drama.

Davies said on Doctor Who Unleashed that he and the team didn’t know whether it would take ten minutes, or twenty minutes, for viewers to realise how anti-diverse the episode is. And he also explicitly said that if you didn’t notice at all, why didn’t you?

I didn’t notice.

Let me defend myself for a second, and point out that I am conscious that I am alert to the point of switching off when drama has women sidelined. Then last year, someone asked me what I thought of Britain having its first Indian prime minister and I was surprised by the question. Let alone not caring, it had never even crossed my cortex that Rishi Sunak is or isn’t Indian. I was going to say that if you asked me to list facts about Sunak, that his being Indian would come a long way down the roll call, but that isn’t true: it wouldn’t be on there at all.

I just had to look up Rishi Sunak to check I was getting this right.

Forced to examine this — and as uncomfortable as I am, I like that I am being forced to examine this — I want to say that I’m obviously blind to race. That’s great of me, clearly.

And it’s bollocks.

The truth has to be that I did not notice what “Dot and Bubble” was doing because I’ve never had to think about it. Intellectually I believe that I recognise racism and sexism, but I’ve never actually been on the receiving end, I’ve never had to feel it.

I was thinking about this the other day when I was so lost in thought that someone made me jump. The thing is, I can be lost in thought. I don’t have to never be lost in it. If I were a woman, for instance, there’s substantially less chance that I could allow myself to be so distracted that I am startled by a man coming up to me.

We all have to be aware of our surroundings or we could get mugged, but I can be lost in thought and I can believe myself to be blind to race or gender, because I am exceptionally privileged.

I am a white, middle-aged, boring man. If I were wealthy, I’d practically be in government.

I don’t know what to do and that’s a little scary. But I like that I’m scared. I should be. I need to be. Because otherwise nothing changes and I don’t know the point of life or of writing if we aren’t changed by it all.